I can only imagine how George Floyd felt. For 8 minutes, he laid with that officer’s knee on his throat, trying to grasp for air so he could be able to say, “I Can’t Breathe.” Every time I think about that night, the fear this young man felt brings tears to my eyes.
I must be honest and say that I never had anyone hold me down physically and put their knee in my throat, but there have been times in my life that I was honestly breathing out of fear. I spent several years breathing out fear due to many people who claimed they loved me but had their knee in my throat and refused to remove it. I allowed society to form me into a person I did not know. The people I chose to love stole everything from me. I allowed them to steal:
My SELF-WORTH
My SELF-ESTEEM
My DIGNITY
My DREAMS
My DRIVE
My PRIDE
My HAPPINESS
My MENTAL HEALTH
My SPIRITUALITY
I honesty felt they deserved to take those things from me in the name of love. I did not know who I truly was until 2016 after I lost everything, and I had to spend time with the real Beverly. It was so scary to me because I had nothing. I did not know how to live with nothing. I wanted to die and if I had the capability, I would have ended my own life. I felt I was nothing and no one wanted to be around a nobody that had no value or self-worth.
On July 23, 2017, after being put out of where I was staying, I was left sitting in the rain. It was pouring down. I had no car and about $22.00. I found myself sitting on a brick wall at a Speedway gas station looking at the mice run around the trash dumpster. A woman saw me sitting out there, crying. She came and sat with me for about 20 minutes. After I started struggling to breathe due to being upset and suffering from heart failure, she took me to the hospital. That gave me a place to stay for 2 nights. Once I got out of the hospital, I decided that I was going to pick myself up and get myself back together.
I was on Medicaid since I had no employment and business went downhill. In September 2017, I had to use transportation companies to get to my medical appointments. I never realized God was preparing me for a major come back! One day, I started talking to the driver and he let me know that he was the owner of a company and he needed someone to help him secure contracts. I told him that I could do that.
I started working for him in December 2017. I was working from the table in my daughter’s kitchen. The lights were turned off for almost 6 days and that winter was very cold. My granddaughter and I slept together in a twin size bed and that kept us warm. I would eventually start walking to FedEx to do my work so I could make money to get the utilities back on. I was able to help him secure two contracts.
From January until March 2018, he made $52,000. That is how my consulting business got started. I got a car that same year and started traveling and helping transportation companies gain licensing, contracts and develop policies and procedures for drivers so drivers could be more efficient and effective.
Today, I am so grateful and humbled by the struggles that I face in my life. Every time someone tells me I cannot do a certain thing. I work hard to prove them wrong. Yes, I have made a lot of mistakes in life, but God gave me a second chance to be a better mother, grandmother and just a better person in general.
Please, no matter what you may be struggling with, please find the strength inside of you so you can keep fighting to overcome. Get rid of your doubt. Make them take their “knee off your neck” so you can stop breathing in fear. You got this! Sometimes, we must hit rock bottom, but it is up to us to decide if we are going to stay there. I chose to leave that place called hell in my life and not look back.
I do not allow anyone to take anything from me. I do not care what they may say because they do not dictate how I should live my life. I am the CEO of my life!
SIBS rise-up! Hold your head up high! You are BEAUTIFUL and AMAZING. Please do not let anyone steal anything from you!
Sending lots of love, hugs and smiles your way until the next time.
Beverly R. Frierson, PhD